The time I'm seeing you
by neesah
Summary: Complete! "...Love is like a seed. It takes time for it to grow to what it should be..."
1. Relena

**Disclaimer: **Gundam Wing is not my property. Or brainchild. Or… well, you get the picture.

This story popped out of my head while I'm conceptualizing Darkness and the Dawn. That's why you'll see many similarities. It's like an alternative, or a side story. But the main difference is that this fic doesn't involve the mysticism and action in Darkness and the Dawn. Hope you'll enjoy it.

The time I'm seeing you 

By Neesah

Chapter 1: Relena 

She watched him from the kitchen window, watched silently as his wild brown hair was made more unruly by the wind while he talked to the retainers. Try as she might, she couldn't stop herself from staring at him, as if her eyes had a will of their own, constantly searching and zoning on him. But she only gave in to the luxury of staring at him from afar, as her pride would permit her to. He was wearing a white button-down polo with its sleeves rolled up and its front part open, revealing a green tank top underneath over fitted denim pants and brown leather boots --- his usual work attire. With his garb, one would think of him as just one of the young tenants or farmers there. But there was no mistaking the way he carried himself, or the way he behaved, talked or regard each and every detail. He was the laird. **Their** laird. And young as he was, just as young as she, eighteen, he was the laird of two estates, the two largest and wealthiest in the land. And he was her husband.

It was an arranged marriage, really. A marriage made out of convenience and forethought. Relena had been the only child of Anthony and Indira Peacecraft, the laird and lady of the Peacecraft estate. And since a girl couldn't inherit, her husband would inherit for her. Her mother died when she was just five and when it was evident through the years that gone by that Anthony had no plans of taking another wife, thereby eliminating the possibility of a male heir being born, Relena knew that she would eventually have to enter to a marriage that would ensure their estate's future.         

It was during her fifteenth birthday when the marriage proposals came full blast, especially when many thought that her father was nearing his deathbed, having been ill for almost a year. True, she hadn't yet reached the marriageable age of 18 but the urgency of their situation justified for everything. A laird must be named before her father passed away. That was why she knew that lairds all over the country asking her hand in marriage for their sons had nothing to do with her personally, though she didn't really know the full effect she had on men. No one in their right minds would pass up the opportunity of claiming an estate as large as the Peacecraft's for himself (and though the estate had been having problems since the laird's sickness, it was nothing that couldn't be remedied), with the added bonus of having the most beautiful lass in the land for his wife! 

With all the talk of marriage and many lairds of other estates and their sons visiting them, she waited with bated breath for his father's decision. She thought that she wouldn't have a say about her marriage, that her father would do all the choosing for her. Arranged marriages were a common custom to them, being one of the effective ways of securing an alliance with a strong family and ensuring that one's properties were in safe hands. That was why she got the shock of her life when he discussed the arrangements with her.

********@@*********

"Relena, I think you know well enough about our situation that it wouldn't surprise you if I tell you some things," Anthony told her when they were alone.

"Yes, Father. I know."

He smiled at her. "You've always been a good daughter. I could never ask for a better daughter than you and it saddens me to think that I'm going to be leaving you soon…"

Relena cut him off. "Don't say that! With proper rest, you'll be---"

Anthony put a finger on her lips, silencing her. "But rest assured that before I go, I'll make sure that you'll be well taken care of." He dropped his hand. "I finished talking to all those who are giving you suit, both the fathers and their sons, and I'm happy to say that I finally made a choice." 

Relena looked at him calmly, though her heart was pounding. "But before I tell you my choice, I want to hear yours."

She stared at him, her eyes wide. "You mean, my choice?"

The Peacecraft laird smiled again. "Of course. You're the one who's going to marry him, not me."

"But, I thought…" she trailed off. Bowing her head, she said, "I don't really know any of them well enough… Whoever you choose is alright with me, Father. I trust your judgment."

"Just humor me, Relena. If you were to choose for yourself, who would you pick?"

Relena remained silent for awhile, thinking. She was somewhat happy that her father was sweet enough to be considerate of her feelings but she didn't really know where to begin. It was then that his father's voice penetrated her thoughts. "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that Arren Yuy also asked your hand for his son this afternoon." 

"Huh? Heero?" Relena was stunned. Arren Yuy was the laird of the estate right next to theirs, the one recognized and referred to as the largest and wealthiest in their land. _But why? _she wondered silently.Why would the laird of the Yuy estate want her for his son? They were rich enough as it was and as far as she knew, there weren't any urgent business for them to force Heero to an early marriage. "I thought that they came here to discuss business." Which was true, considering that though neighbors, the Yuys and the Peacecrafts seldom visit each other, except for business.  

"They did. We discussed about our retainers whom they caught in their land, carrying goods stolen from us. Then afterwards, they asked for your hand."

So that was why Heero remained with them inside the study. Usually, his father would ask Relena to keep him company while the two lairds talk. Or when she and her father were in the Yuy estate, it was vice versa. When they were young, they usually go run in the field or climb trees, sometimes they swim and fish in the nearby stream. Heero had always been a quiet boy, only speaking when he had something important to say, like warning her about not touching the plant next to her because it was poisonous, or when he was teaching her about stuff. She learned a lot from him about the farm, the animals, the forest, nature, some basics about their estates --- just about anything and everything under the sun. And though they were silent most of the time they were together, it was a companionable silence. They were comfortable with each other. 

When they reached their teens, the few visits they had even became fewer. They didn't run in the fields anymore, nor climb trees and swim. They went horseback riding instead, or just sit by the terrace and drink tea in silence, occasionally exchanging words. Still, they were comfortable with each other. 

What she really liked about him was that he treated her as a person, an equal, unlike the other guys their age who regard her as a fragile doll. And they continuously fought for her attention and approval. They fawn over her too. It made her nauseous. That was why she stopped going to balls, that and the fact that she wanted to stay by her father's side and take care of him during his illness. 

If she really needed to choose, why not choose the one that she felt comfortable with? One that she knew she could stand living with for the rest of her life?

She drew a deep breath. "I guess if you really want me to pick someone for a husband, I'll pick Heero."

Anthony's eyes were gentle yet there was something else in there. Amusement? Triumph? "I see. Why him?"

"Because we're friends, I think. And because I know that he'll take good care of the estate, just like I know he'll take good care of anything that was entrusted to his care. That's just how he is. There, I told you." She sighed. "Whom did you pick, Father?"

"Believe it or not, I chose Heero Yuy for your husband as well," he grinned.

Surprised for the nth time that day, she couldn't help asking, "Why?"

"Of all the young men I asked, he was the only one whose answer I liked. And I knew he really meant it too." 

Relena wanted to ask more but her father beat her to it. "I know you want to hear about the details of our talk but I guess it should only be right if you hear it straight from Heero. From what I've seen, he's an honest young man. He'll tell you anything you want to know if you ask. Which I'm sure you will." He smiled again. She realized that he was smiling more often than before after talking to the Yuys. "So, you agree to be married to Arren Yuy's son then?" 

She nodded. "Well then, can you please send Pagan here so I could ask him to deliver the message? We need to make the preparations as soon as possible."

Relena stood up and was about to leave the room when she turned around and asked, "Father, what if our choices didn't match? If I picked another guy instead of Heero, what then?"

The old laird regarded her silently. "Well, first of all, I'll ask you the reason for your decision, just like I did earlier. Then I'll try to tell you the reason for **my** decision. I'm sure we'll discuss, we'll compromise. But at the end, it'll still be your choice. I trust your judgment too, you see."

Relena couldn't control herself. She ran to him and gave him a big hug. "Thank you, Father." 

*********@@*********

Three weeks after that, she and Heero got married. It was a simple ceremony, just like what they agreed upon, but the reception afterward was grand. It was one of the most talk-about weddings in their history, not only because nobody had thought that a union between the Peacecrafts and the Yuys was feasible (they had been neighbors for ages, true, but they were neither friends nor foes and it was unthinkable for the top two families in their country to marry into each other) also because contrary to tradition of wedding ceremonies being always held in the groom's house, their wedding was held in **her **house.

It was Heero's idea, really, and she was as surprised as everybody else when she first heard his suggestion. He suggested this to the Peacecraft Laird, saying that with his mother being dead, his father regained his aversion to social gatherings being held at their house so it would be better if they just held it in the Peacecraft estate. Besides, he added, it was a better venue. And he promised that the Yuys would provide everything that they would need. Anthony agreed graciously, wanting to help in every way he could but Relena knew Heero's true intentions. Although Arren Yuy was notorious in being anti-social and only with his late-wife's persuasions did they hold banquets in their home, he was also a man who followed tradition. He would get rid of his aversion to social gatherings, even for only a moment, because his only son was getting married.  Heero just didn't want Anthony to travel to and fro in his condition, even if it was just a few miles away. And knowing how proud Anthony was, he couldn't tell that straight to him, knowing that Anthony would refuse and insist that he was well. Relena was thankful to him for that.

Her wedding day passed by like a blur to her. She could only remember bits and pieces. And one of those memories included that exact moment when the realization of what being married really meant hit her full force.

*********@@**********

It happened during the reception. It was almost midnight but all their guests were still wide-awake and celebrating. She and her husband were seated in separate tables since the end of the ceremonial toast --- she with her friends and the other young women, and he with the men. She saw him whisper something to her father, who smiled widely, before standing up and making his way towards her. Seeing him, Relena stiffened. He offered her his hand, and without exchanging words, she accepted it. She stood up and hand-in-hand they went out of the banquet hall, amidst the loud yet good-natured teasing of their guests.    

He led her to her bedchamber. The servants already had the fire going, and there was a bottle of wine near the bed. She sat on the bed, while Heero went to the small table and poured themselves some wine. After handing her a glass, he retreated to the fireplace. They sipped their wines silently. Unconsciously, she sighed.

"Tired?" he asked her. 

She nodded. "Exhausted is a better word for it though," but she said it with a smile. "You?"

"A little."

"Liar."

It was his turn to smile, illuminating his handsome face. But it was gone in a second. He had always been a silent and grim lad. 

Silence again. "Um, Heero, did you like the way it all turned out?" she asked him, her eyes fixed on the fire. "I mean not just the wedding, though I don't know if all went well according to plan…"

"It did." She turned her head and saw his intense blue eyes boring onto her. "I liked the way it turned out, Relena. Everything turned out the way it supposed to be, trust me." Their glasses were empty so he went to the small table and poured themselves another glass. When he retreated back to the fireplace, he asked, "How about you? Did you like the way things turned out?" 

"Yeah. Actually, it turned out better than I hoped for," she replied truthfully. "Thank you."

His face was puzzled. "For what?"

"For suggesting that the wedding be held here. For being concerned for my father. For being a friend. For asking my opinions on everything. For…" Remembering what he whispered to her earlier after stating their wedding vows outloud, she added, "For promising to protect and take care of me."

"Hn."

She drank her wine in one gulp then grabbed the bottle and poured herself another. "It's getting late. Um, I think we better get some sleep. We still have to wake up early tomorrow." She knew she was in the verge of blabbering but she was nervous. The sooner they got over it the better. Then, amidst the nervousness, she managed to voice out something that had been gnawing at her mind. "By the way, what time are we going to leave tomorrow? With all the preparations, I didn't get the chance to pack yet and I still need to arrange some things first before we go." Relena felt pain in her chest at the thought of leaving. She didn't want to leave her father and her home but tradition dictated for a wife to be with her husband. Heero already broke tradition for her when they held their wedding in her house, she couldn't, no, she **wouldn't **expect him to break another one. 

"I'm leaving at daybreak tomorrow," was Heero's reply. "But I'll be back by the evening. I need to take care of things in the estate first. Then I have to pack and get my stuff before I come back." Seeing the incomprehension on her face, he added, "We're not leaving, Relena. We're staying here."

"But… How come… I thought… When did…" she stammered, surprise, relief and bewilderment getting a hold of her. 

"I thought that it would be better for us if we stay here. You can take care of your father while I try to learn everything on how to run the Peacecraft estate as quickly as I can. I already talked to both our fathers and they both agreed." He paused for a moment, his face turning even more somber when he continued. "I'm not going to lie to you, Relena. Your father is nearing his death and it would be better for everyone involved if we stay close to him."  

Relena nodded. After a while, she inquired, "How about your duties to your own estate?"

"I could just go back and forth between estates. It's more hard work but I can do it. I need to do it." Relena knew that it would be hard work indeed because even if their lands were just right next to each other, they span acres. Aside from that, the two estates had different sources of livelihood so Heero had to learn the differences. "Besides, I know everything there is to know in running our estate and as of now, I only have half the burden of running it, since my father is still laird. But here…"

Relena understood what he meant. Her father was sick and being her husband and the next laird, Heero would take on the whole burden of managing the estate by himself, though he wouldn't be the laird officially until her father died. She shivered at the idea, since it felt like 'that' happening was very near. Very near indeed. One way or the other, Heero would be the laird --- acting or otherwise.  

"Now that's cleared up, we better head to bed. Do you have any more questions?" Relena shook her head, her heart doing a little flip-flop. She watched him put down his glass. She was watching his every move. But instead of walking towards the bed, towards **her**, he walked towards the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, then. Goodnight." With that, he turned the knob and went out.      

Surprised and relieved, and maybe a little disappointed, she collapsed on the bed, immediately falling asleep.  

**********@@**********

It was her wedding night but she and her husband spent it in separate rooms. And they had been spending their nights separately ever since. But that didn't mean that they hadn't slept on the same bed even once. 

Take for example what happened three months after their wedding. Heero and his cousin, Duo left for the annual horse trade, both being heirs to estates known for breeding the finest horseflesh. It would take them three days to arrive at the fair, 2 days of actual trading then 3 days to go back home. Unfortunately, on the second day Heero was gone, Anthony Peacecraft died. 

Relena did everything she was supposed to do --- from arranging the funeral, finalizing all her father's affairs even to playing hostess during the wake. But she moved like a zombie, cold and unfeeling. She never even shed a tear. The wake continued for 4 days, and during that time she hadn't eaten nor drank anything. She hadn't even slept. Everybody was getting concerned. Her friends told her to eat, but she didn't. They told her to sleep even for just a few hours. Still, she didn't. Arren and the other Lairds advised her not to keep the wake that long, that it would be for the best if she could lay her father to rest as soon as possible. But as expected, she didn't heed them. She seemed ok, acting her part as the perfect hostess. But everybody knew that something was wrong. It was like she was in a catatonic state, as if waiting for something. But for what? Something that could finally make her break?

That something arrived early morning on the 5th day of the wake. 

**********@@**********

She was standing near the coffin, staring down at it with a blank look on her face, when she felt strong hands on her shoulders and her name being uttered. She turned around. 

"Heero," she breathed. "You're here." And she did what she hadn't done for five days. She smiled. Sorrow was there, but there was relief too.

He hugged her tightly against him. "Yes. I'm here. I'm here now," he told her softly. She then realized why she felt relieved all of a sudden. She was waiting for him. She tried to remain strong the whole time, until he came back. And now that he was here, she could cease to be the strong one. She could finally break.

"I knew you'd come," she muttered one last time before sagging against him. He quickly swept her in his arms and carried her to her room.   

After five days, she finally slept. But she also dreamt. She dreamt of darkness, of her father, of her pain and loss. Then she began to sink through the darkness. She screamed.

A familiar voice penetrated through her mind. Then, she felt herself being shaken. "Relena, wake up. It's only a dream. Wake up." She did, finding herself cradled in Heero's arms. 

She gripped his shirt. "He's gone. He left me and he's not coming back." Everything then came crushing down on her. The floodgates crashed open as she finally she let herself mourn. She began to weep.

"He's gone and he's at peace. But I'm here. I'll always be here," he told her softly as his hands rubbed her back in slow, soothing circles. "Everything will be alright." When her tears had dried up and she couldn't cry any more, she fell asleep.

When she woke up it was already early morning of the following day, feeling well rested though a little bit dizzy. 

Then she realized that her head was cushioned on something lean and firm (definitely not a pillow) and that there was an arm draped around her. Surprised, she turned around and saw Heero's sleeping face just a few inches away from her. She suddenly sat up, waking Heero up in the process. 

"Umm, good morning," she muttered. He was her husband, dammit, and they were both fully clothed so she shouldn't be embarrassed. But she was. Very much so. What was wrong with her?

Heero also sat up, watching her face. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

If she had the energy to be embarrassed, then she must be fine. "I'm fine." Their bodies were so near for comfort that she couldn't help but scoot away from him a little. Heero took the hint, stood up then sat at the nearby chair. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"A whole day. Are you sure you're feeling fine?" He paused, carefully studying her face. "You slept like a log throughout the day but you kept on having nightmares throughout the night. That's why I slept here. So I don't have to run from my room everytime I hear you scream." His voice became softer when he added, "You seem to settle down whenever I touch you so I cradled you to sleep. I hope you don't mind."

She blushed. So that was why she felt warm and safe when she woke up. "No, I don't mind. Really. Thanks for staying with me." Something then occurred to her. "What happened the whole day while I was asleep?"

"I made arrangements for the internment to be at 4 this afternoon. Is that ok with you?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It's my fault it took so long." It was her fault she was so weak that she had to wait for him to come home. "Thank you for everything, Heero."

"Just fulfilling my promise." Suddenly, they heard a loud growl. Her stomach was grumbling. Well, that answered the question why she was feeling dizzy and lightheaded. She hadn't eaten anything for days!

To Relena's surprise and chagrin, Heero laughed. "You must be starving. I'll go get you some food." He stood up then left the room.        

**********@@**********

Relena's thoughts were interrupted when one of the women helping her cook asked her a question. She promptly replied, but immediately afterwards, she cast a last look at the window and cleared her mind of the past, thinking it was for the best if she focused on what she was doing at the present.


	2. Heero

The time I'm seeing you 

By Neesah

Chapter 2: Heero 

He kind of had a routine life, like this weekly visit to the Peacecraft Estate for instance. Every weekend, he would leave the Yuy Estate early in the morning to come here and check the entire premises himself. Once that was done, he would meet the retainers and tenants and discuss estate matters with them, just like what he was doing now. He listened attentively at them, though he couldn't help but glance at the kitchen window a few feet away from time to time, where he caught a brief glimpse of something golden flickering through the glass. Relena.

There wasn't anything wrong in wanting to catch a glimpse of her now and then, he told himself. She was his wife afterall. And he hadn't seen her for a whole week, both of them having agreed to live separately to be able to manage their estates more effectively and efficiently. Like him, she also went to the Yuy Manor once a week to make sure that it was in perfect shape. If he was the laird of two estates, she was the lady of two manors, and it was her duty to oversee everything with regards to both households. It was hard, he knew that from experience of running two estates and going to and fro every week, but as far as he could tell, she was doing a splendid job on it. He had always known she would be splendid in everything she would set her heart into.

Was that the reason why he married her? He didn't really have to vie for her hand, competing with the sons of the other lairds who were of marriageable age. Nor did he need to accumulate more wealth. They were wealthy enough as it was, the wealthiest in fact, and his responsibilities (including the ones he would have in the near future) were more than enough that he wasn't aspiring to add another estate as big as the Peacecraft's to it. But hearing the news of Anthony Peacecraft receiving tons of marriage proposals for his only daughter caused him to ponder things. Most of those men were ambitious, greedy and arrogant, not to mention, lecherous too, that the thought of just leaving Relena to their paws made him sick to the stomach. He thought about it for the longest time and remembering what happened in the ball 4 months prior helped him made his decision.

                                                                                                            ***********@@***********

He wasn't the party-type and his cousin, Duo, knew this well enough, but as persistent as the braided teen was, he managed to drag Heero with him to the ball. Heero was bored and ready to leave the moment he stepped in but Duo wouldn't let him so he contented himself in avoiding people, talking only if necessary and just blending in the shadows. He stayed by the balcony, peering through the dark when he heard footsteps coming towards him. He didn't bother moving, the darkness hiding him well.

He was surprised to see whose footsteps he heard. Relena. Curious too. Relena hadn't come to parties for a long time now but not because she was as anti-social as he. She was just not in the mood to party when she was supposed to take care of her father. Well, maybe because it was Hilde's birthday that she decided to come, Hilde being one of her closest friends. But it was clear in the way she walked, the tension in her shoulders and the bland expression on her face that, like him, she wasn't having a great time He was about to step out of the shadows to talk to her when he heard another set of footsteps.

"Relena, babe, wait up," 19 yr old Daniel Wise said, son of Laird Gondor Wise.  

Heero saw that Relena drew a deep breath before facing the guy. "What is it, Daniel?" 

"You still owe me a dance."      

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I'm tired and I don't remember agreeing to dance with you," she replied in the most polite voice she could muster.

Daniel walked closer. "You didn't have to. After blowing off all those guys who asked you to dance, I just assumed that you were waiting for me." He then grabbed her hand. 

Relena shrugged it off. He tried to reach for her again but she swatted his hand away. "I didn't dance with them because I didn't feel like dancing, not because I was waiting for you." Heero almost smiled. He knew she could take care of herself.

"Don't be coy now, Relena. I know you have the hots for me."

"You're sadly mistaken," she said, her voice like steel, her blue eyes afire. "Now, please leave."

"No, I want to prove that you want me." Saying that, he grabbed both her shoulders then crashed his mouth to hers. Heero was about to reveal himself and intervene when just a second after Daniel's lips touched Relena's, she kneed him at the groin, only missing his 'asset' by a few millimeters. When he let go of her in shock and tried to protect his lower extremities if ever she decided to attack him again, she slapped him. 

"In your dreams," she said, trying to be calm and almost failing. "Leave me. NOW."

Daniel's eyes turned into slits. "Why, you, little wretch---" His hand was poised to strike her when Heero jumped out, restraining him.

"Don't," Heero said. It was just one word but it carried a lot of threat to it. 

Daniel froze, recognizing the voice. He was clearly taken a back and a little fearful too though he shouldn't have been. He was a lot older, Heero being just 15, and a lot taller too. But Heero's grip was strong and the look in his eyes was frightening.

Daniel pried his hand away and snorted. "I'll leave Ms. Prude here with you now, Yuy. Hope you enjoy her better than I did." With that, he left.

Heero glared at his retreating back before turning his attention to Relena. His glare then turned to concern when he saw her shaking. "Are you ok?"

She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. When she opened them, she smiled. "I'm ok now. Thanks."

"Hn. Tell me if that jerk bothers you again."

"It's alright, Heero. All those jerks had been bothering me since I hit adolescence and they would continue bothering me 'til I marry one of them," she said in a matter-of-fact voice, though both of them felt the underlying bitterness in it.

He nodded, knowing that it was the truth. Truth or not, he couldn't stop feeling sad and angry, but there wasn't anything he could do, was there? So he remained silent.

After a while, she asked, "Can I stay out here with you, Heero? I…" she paused. "I don't want to go back in there."

"Hn." He saw her smile again and they spent the entire night by the balcony, content in enjoying each other's company.

************@@**************

She was the strongest woman he had ever known and there was no doubt that she could hold her own but like what he had witnessed at that ball, a woman could only do so much. She was surrounded by vultures and hyenas that would take advantage of her given the chance. She would never be happy. He thought that, if she really needed to get married, wouldn't it be better if she married someone who would have her best interest at heart? They were friends, good friends. Wouldn't that be better than marrying a complete stranger? Arriving to this conclusion, he went to his father to tell him of his decision. His father just looked at him carefully, as if studying him, not asking any questions. Afterwards, his father agreed and the two of them went to visit the Peacecraft Laird, saying that he also had some other business to discuss with him.   

He met with the Anthony Peacecraft a lot of times before but this time, he couldn't help but feel tensed. The meeting went smoothly though, with Anthony asking him questions and he answering them in all honesty. The old laird seemed to be pleased with his answers, not surprised at all that he would also propose, but he still felt nervous. He would only stop feeling nervous when Anthony announced his choice for his daughter's hand.

And believe it or not, he was the choice. He was surprised and a little relieved too. He and Relena met the next day to make the engagement official and start preparing for the wedding. It was unbelievable the way things seemed not to change between them as if nothing monumental was about to take place. They treated each other like they had before, no awkward moments, no tensed atmosphere, nothing. He was right, they really were friends. Two friends getting married.

They were married three weeks after. And he had heard people saying that it was the grandest and most controversial wedding to date. But he wasn't concerned about that. All that mattered to him was that Relena seemed happy and content and that things had been going the way he hoped it would be. That didn't mean that everything went smoothly. Adjusting to the changes was hard, especially trying to learn the workings of a whole, new estate (large too, if one might add) and the going back and forth between estates. But he was determined to do it and at the end he did. Though not without any hardships, especially with regards to the Peacecraft estate's decline.

His assessment of the estate's current status was pretty bleak. The estate wasn't getting any profits even if, according to his opinion, the crop and livestock yields were ok. He was certain that there was foul play involved, with his father catching some of the Peacecraft's retainers stealing goods and crossing over to their territory. He couldn't really make any changes yet since Anthony was still laird and all that he could do was act on his behalf. Still, he had to know what was happening. 

He talked to everyone, even the old ones, the women and children. Most of them were careful, as if afraid that they might slip. He had talked to the Head Retainer first, Orlando, but he didn't learn anything significant, only that he was somewhat connected to all the bad things happening in the estate. Finally, he met the youngest of all the retainers there, Trowa, who was as young as he was and was living with his older sister Catherine. The first time he interviewed Trowa, he said the same thing the others said, though the way he said it made Heero realize that he was somewhat sending him a coded message. So he waited.

A few days after, Trowa caught him while he was going to the Yuy estate and there, he told him the truth. That since the laird got sick and wasn't able to monitor the estate's activities, Orlando and more than half of the retainers were taking everything for themselves, making their own transactions and dealings and only leaving enough for the laird's household not to be suspicious. They turned into a band of bandits now, thinking that they were the real lairds of the estate and they threatened the others who at first refused to follow them. With Heero marrying Relena posed a problem since being the next laird, he would have to monitor the estate's activities from now on but the bandits thought that it might take him a while to learn how to run the estate. They also thought that they could manipulate him according to their wishes, since he had to ask them to teach him the ropes.

Heero listened, his mind's wheels turning. With all the cover-up that was going on, why would this be any different? But there was something about Trowa that made him trust his words. Fine honed instincts maybe, or it might be just that he recognized a kindred spirit in the young retainer. The reasons didn't matter, what mattered was that he believed him and that he had to think of some way to turn things around. He couldn't do anything 'til he officially became laird and he couldn't possibly tell Anthony about what was really happening for it would surely hasten his death so he was kinda stuck. All that was left was to wait. He bid Trowa to act the usual but he also asked him to be his eyes and ears when he wasn't there. He would also continue to pretend asking the other retainers for pointers and lessons, but it would be Trowa who would give him the real lessons. Since then, he and Trowa became good friends. And that wasn't the last time Trowa came to his aid.

Three months after their wedding, he and Duo went to the annual horse trade. It was early on the second day of the fair when Heero saw Trowa galloping towards them, the bearer of bad news. Anthony Peacecraft was dead and Relena was left on her own.   

Upon hearing this, he immediately set out to go back home, leaving his unfinished business to Duo's capable hands. He and Trowa rode like the wind, only stopping when they were so weary they couldn't ride anymore. And because of that, the usual three-day travel, they turned into just two days. And after seeing the condition Relena was in when he arrived, he was glad that he came as fast as he could.

He did everything he could to help out Relena during her time of crisis, sleeping with her every night to fend off the nightmares and after a month she was back to her usual self. The nightmares had stopped so she could sleep alone in her own room while he, as the new laird, got the master's bedroom for his own. It felt weird the first night he slept alone, having gotten used to sleeping with her but he shrugged the thought away, thinking that he had more important stuff to worry about. 

He had a long talk with all the retainers and tenants, telling them that he knew what was happening and that they had to stop it and change for he wouldn't tolerate any of it. If they couldn't follow his orders, then they were free to leave. If they decided to stay but had the idiocy to repeat what they were doing or had the nerve to plan on continuing it in secret in the hopes that he would be stupid enough not to notice then he would make them leave, or if they wouldn't give him any choice, bury them where they stand. Most of them stayed, accepting the new laird's conditions and changing their ways back to what it was supposed to be. Those who got really scared left, having heard of Heero's marksmanship and no-nonsense, I-never-bluff attitude, but there were a few who were utterly stupid that they didn't take the threat lightly. But Heero made sure that they learn their lesson. Things took on a more positive turn after that.

Relena was supportive throughout all of this, and she was also eager to learn what she could to help Heero out. They both learned quickly and with Trowa's help, who was the new Head Retainer, and everybody's hard work, the Peacecraft estate recovered within a year. By that time, he felt that everyone in the estate was getting along quite well and he and Relena were as happy as they could be. They still slept in separate rooms but aside from that, they were partners in everything. Actually, they managed the estate together, which was unheard of during their time. Husbands usually just gave their wives power only over their own household but Heero wasn't an ordinary husband, nor did he treat Relena as an ordinary wife. He would never think of her as ordinary nor would he ever dream of treating her as one. She wasn't just a very pleasant bonus that came with the Peacecraft estate, which was the real prize, like what those other men were thinking when they asked for her hand. For him, she was the real prize and the estate was just an extra. The estate didn't come with her, she came with the estate, because in all reality it was hers. And he believed that since she was the real owner of the estate, he was just there to help her manage it, to act on her behalf when tradition prevented her to do otherwise.

Managing their household was a joint venture too, though Relena had the bulk of it, being the woman and all that. But the Peacecraft manor wasn't the only household she was responsible for. His father had allowed, actually **begged** was a better term, Heero to ask Relena if she could also oversee the women and their chores in the Yuy manor once in a while, even if Arren was still Laird. It was in preparation for the day when Heero becomes Laird and Relena, the mistress of the whole house, his father reasoned. Well, that and the fact that the manor really needed a woman's touch, a woman's command, he added. His reasons were sound, truthful too so to speak, but Heero knew, and most probably Relena also, that the main reason for his request was that he didn't want anything to do with overseeing household chores, which had been inadvertently added to his responsibilities since his wife's death though truthfully, he had unconsciously (or not so unconsciously) passed this on to his son for quite a while now. The couple agreed that was why every other week, the two of them would stay at the Yuy Estate for two days, giving Relena ample time to work her magic.   

.     

They also seemed to have grown even closer during this time, if that was possible. They would spent the nights gazing at the stars while naming the constellations or in the study by the fireplace, reading in companionable silence but more often than not debating ideas 'til Relena fell asleep on her chair and he had to carry her up to her room. With his mile-high responsibilities and busy schedule, he was always bone-tired by the end of the day and this quality time with her was the only thing he was looking forward to every night, somewhat energizing him for the next day. Seeing her happy and content was the only motivation he needed to continue on what he needed to do. He couldn't help thinking how things would have been, both to him and to her, if he hadn't thought of proposing, or if her father hadn't chosen him for her. Because of reasons he couldn't fathom, he couldn't imagine Relena being married to another guy, nor could he imagine himself being married to another girl. They could read each other's thoughts, sense each other's moods perfectly and most importantly they could count on each other to stay by the other's side through happiness and despair. He promised to take care of her but in her own way she was taking care of him too. She had been his rock when his father died a year and a half after their wedding.

***********@@************

It came like a shock, no preliminaries, no warning, not even a single sign that this was going to be the day his father would die. Arren Yuy was as strong as he had ever been, as healthy as an ox and as stubborn as a mule. But the morning Heero came to the Yuy Estate to start his usual day, he was greeted with a very unusual news—his father was still in bed.

Everybody, including him, thought it weird, for the Yuy Laird had never woken up later than six in the morning. But they let it pass, wanting him to get the rest he richly deserved. But when it was already lunchtime and Arren still hadn't woken up, everybody became concerned.

Heero sent Sally, the majordoma, to wake his father up and tell him of lunch. But Sally returned saying that the laird never answered her knock. Heero then stood up and went to see his father personally. He knocked twice. "Father, it's Heero. It's already noon and lunch is served." When he didn't get any answer he said, "I'm coming in." He then turned the doorknob and entered the master's bedroom.

He saw his father lying peacefully on the bed. He walked towards him. "Father, wake---" his voice trailed off when he touched his bare shoulders. It was cold. Dead cold. The sudden realization was like a tidal wave that came crashing down at him, causing him to struggle for air. His throat and chest tightened, his eyes started to burn. But with one shake of his head, he swallowed his grief and went out. When he reached the dining room where everyone awaited them, he announced, "The Laird is dead," then quickly left when the women started their wailing. He couldn't grieve yet, it was a luxury he had to put off 'til later. He still had important things to do. 

The news that Arren Yuy had died spread quickly. He just finished making final preparations for the burial tomorrow afternoon when he heard someone call his name. He looked up and saw Relena by the door of his father's study, **his **now, carrying a tray of food. "Sally said that you haven't eaten lunch yet," she said, walking towards him. She sat down the tray on his desk and sat down. "I came as soon as I can. I'm so sorry, Heero."

"You didn't have to," he told her, meaning both the meal and coming all the way there. He had sent one of his retainers to go to the Peacecraft Estate to tell Relena that he wouldn't be able to be home by dinner because of his father's death and that he would be gone for a couple of days, leaving her and Trowa in-charge of the estate. 

"I want to," she answered simply. She touched his hand gently before standing up. "I'll go help Sally prepare for the wake. You just eat here and rest for a while. People would be arriving soon."  And before he could say anything or thank her, she was gone.

************@@************

He was his usual silent self during the wake, politely accepting the condolences said to him, graciously giving his thanks and offering refreshments. He seemed calm and collected, which he usually was, that most people thought that he was either taking his father's death very well or that he was a cold-hearted son of a bitch. But it was a mask. Those who knew him well knew that and even he, deep down, knew that also. He fulfilled his duty as the head of the house and host for the whole duration of the wake quite well, which might be attributed to the fact that it was the shortest one ever in their history, starting that night and lasted until the afternoon of the next day. Still, there were times when he felt trapped and claustrophobic with all those people. But whenever he was tempted to yell and tell everyone to leave him alone, Relena would be there to calm him down with a touch or a word, even a look. She had been by his side the whole time, fulfilling her duties as his wife and lady of the manor. She only left when she had to take care of something important, but she would always come back to him. Maybe she was waiting for him to break down, he thought. But he wouldn't. He said to himself that he would never ever lose control, and so he didn't. Still, having her near him was a welcome relief. All the voices, the faces, the movement, the condolences, the murmurs--- they were all a blur and all he knew was her. In the whole world, all he knew was her, there by his side. He didn't know what would have happened if she weren't there, and honestly speaking, he would never want to know. 

They buried Arren in the Yuy Family graveyard, beside his wife. After the burial, Heero went straight to the stables, took his horse and went riding through the woods. He didn't want to be inside the manor. As a matter of fact, he dreaded coming back, he dreaded coming back to a house that would never feel the same again. But unless he wanted to sleep in the woods he had to go home. 

It was way past dinnertime when he came back. He expected the house to be empty, knowing that with everything that had happened, the servants would be exhausted and already in their beds. He knew that they wouldn't wait up for him, knowing his moods and all. But they would store the food inside the stone oven to keep it fresh and hot, if ever he came home hungry. 

That was why he was surprised when he saw Relena sitting by the couch in the living room, reading a book and apparently, waiting for him.     

************@@************

"What are you still doing here?" he asked. He thought that after the funeral, she would have gone back to the Peacecraft Estate. 

He saw her close her book and placed it on top of a nearby table. "I still have a lot of things to put in order here so I stayed," she told him. In a way, she was telling the truth, being the Laird's wife and Lady of the house, though they both knew that wasn't the whole truth. She was worried about him, and she didn't want to leave him the way he was now.  He hadn't broken down yet and she wanted to be there when that happened. She knew how proud he was, how he wouldn't accept pity from anyone. It was her way of saying that she would be there without making him appear weak, that she would stay willingly without making him ask. Because with all honesty, he wanted, no, he needed her to stay. He just couldn't make himself say it.  "Have you eaten?"

"No," he replied. "Have you?"

She shook her head. "I was waiting for you." 

He looked at her. Since his father's death, he had lost his appetite and it was only because of Relena's machinations that he ate. "Let's go eat then." 

************@@************

For the next few days, he immersed himself in his work. He was laird of two estates now. But he was groomed to become this estate's laird from the very beginning so it wasn't that hard, though he still had to go to and fro between estates. He didn't mind, actually he was glad. It was sort of an escape for him, a distraction. But work ended at night and he had to come home. That was why after dinner, he would go horseback riding in the woods then come home late. And always, Relena would be there in the living room, waiting for him, no matter how late it was. She would be reading, or knitting but more often than not, dozing off on the couch for he had this habit of coming back past midnight. He would gaze at her for a heartbeat before lifting her in his arms, murmuring 'I'm home' to her ear. As a response, she would smile in her sleep and snuggle closer to him as he carried her to room. Only then would he proceed to his room, not the master's bedroom like what it should be but his old room. He didn't feel right sleeping in the master's bedroom, thinking that it was still his father's, even if the servants had already cleaned it and had taken the former Laird's and what remained of the former Lady's belongings out of the room after the funeral. All that needed to be done was for him to move all his stuff there. But he just couldn't seem to claim it as his own. He hadn't even gone inside the room since that fateful afternoon. He just couldn't.  

But one night, he came home way earlier than usual. After he had walked Relena to her room and was now inside his own, he felt restless. He jumped out of bed and started walking back and forth. After a while, he felt claustrophobic so he went out. He passed by Relena's room first then the master's bedroom. He paused on his tracks then turned back, stopping by the door of the master's bedroom. He put his hand on the knob, debating whether to go in or not. He didn't know how long he had been standing there, being immersed deeply in his thoughts. That was why he was caught unaware when he felt a pale hand on top of his own, tightening his grip around the knob.      

************@@************

He turned his head and found sky blue eyes staring back at him. She gave him a nod, urging him to open the door. Her eyes told him that this was right, that it was the right thing to do. She squeezed his hand one last time, and he finally made his decision. Together, they opened the door.

He was hesitant to enter at first. But when his gaze fell on the bed, he unconsciously took a step, then another, then another. He stopped when he reached the side of the bed, the same spot where he stood when he went to wake his father up 10 days ago. Relena went to stand beside him.

"I found him here, you know. I was the one who found him." Relena listened but never answered. "I thought he was just sleeping, he looked so peaceful lying there but when I touched him…" he reached a hand towards the bed, then jerked back as if burned. "He was cold. So cold. I knew he was dead." Saying that, he felt something like a tidal wave came crashing down at him, causing him to struggle for air. His throat and chest tightened, his eyes started to burn. It was like he was reliving that exact same moment though this time he did what he didn't dare let himself do that day. He grieved.

He fell on his knees, his hands gripping the bed's comforter. His chest felt so tight as if a hand was squeezing his heart as hard as it could that he couldn't breathe. It made his eyes burn like hell that he had to squeeze them shut. He gasped. Finally, the tears came. 

He cried quietly but fiercely. She knelt down beside him, one hand comforting his shoulder, the other lightly touched his thick hair soothingly. They stayed that way for a while until he had no more tears left. His grip on the comforter loosened, raising one hand to wipe his eyes. "You shouldn't have seen me like this, Relena," he told her in a hoarse voice.

She continued to run her fingers through his hair.  "It's nothing. You just lost your father. I think you're entitled to feel anything or do anything that would make the pain go away." 

He loved the way she was touching him, comforting him. He welcomed it, craved it but he pulled away. "I'm supposed to be the strong one. How can I take care of you if I couldn't even take care of myself?"

"Then we'll take care of each other," she replied. 

He shook his head.

"Don't be silly. Heero, look at me." She leaned closer to him, touching his chin lightly so he would her eyes. "You don't know how well you have taken care of me all this time and I don't think one night of mourning would change that. Nor would crying and mourning make you weaker in any sense. Actually, you're doing yourself a favor. Grieving is healthy, both to your mind and soul. See, you're capable of taking care of yourself afterall." She then gave him a warm smile. "But even if you're not, you still don't have to worry because taking care of you is my job. That's why I'm here. You're not the only one who made a promise, you know. Whatever happens, we'll always take care of each other."    

She pushed a part of the comforter off, revealing the soft white sheet underneath. She took his hand and tried to pull him towards the bed. 

Heero jerked back. "No… I can't…"

"This is your room now, just like this estate is yours now. Your father had passed it on to you. It's part of your inheritance." She sat on the bed, not letting go of his hand. "I know how strange it feels. How you feel out of place when it had felt so familiar before. How it feels different when just days ago it's not. But the only thing that anyone can do is to make things feel familiar again. You taught me that."  She tugged at him again. "Come on, Heero. Let me help you." 

He didn't know if it was his overwhelming need to be comforted or the pleading he heard in her voice that made him finally give in. He climbed on the bed, curling into a ball underneath the covers. Relena put her arms around him, settling his head against her chest as she lied down beside him. Lying there beside her not only eased his soul but also freed it, causing the exhaustion that he had been running away from for the past week or so to catch up with him at last. He closed his eyes and had the most soothing sleep he ever had.

  ************@@************

The next day, Relena asked him if he would like her to help him move his stuff to the master's bedroom and, surprisingly, he agreed. He slept again in the master's bedroom the following night, then the night after that, then the next, and with each passing night, the uncomfortable feeling had slowly slipped away, being replaced by the feeling of ease and belonging. Well, having Relena there when he slept might be the primary reason for it, she being the last thing he ever see when he closed his eyes at night and the first thing he ever see when he open them in the morning. Her warmth was so familiar that she made everything familiar to him and within a week he finally felt that it was really his room. Everything in his world had now worked into a pattern, a routine of his choice, making things more familiar and comfortable. One of these said routines was that between the two of them, whoever woke up first would end up gazing at the other's sleeping face 'til the said person woke up. He never felt this content in his entire life but there was something… he couldn't point a finger to it. Things were changing --- around them, between them, words left unsaid and deeds left undone. Something was happening, he didn't know what and he kind of knew that Relena was as clueless and as unsure as he was. It was like they reached a certain point where they hang in a balance, and whether the balance would tilt was all up to them. They could either go back, move on, or change nothing. At the end, it was Relena who took the initative, the first step.      

************@@************

He woke up one morning, greeted by the sight of brilliant sky blue eyes watching him. He smiled. "Good morning."

"Good morning," she smiled back. She studied him for a moment. "You look well."

"I'm feeling it," he replied, not breaking eye contact. "I feel like my old self again." 

She acknowledged him with a nod. He saw something flicker in her eyes for a brief second. "Heero, I…" she suddenly sat up. "Do you think it's time for me to go back?"   

Hearing what she said, he also jerked up into a sitting position. It was his turn to study her, and partly himself. She stayed with him for a little more than three weeks. Both of them were here, in the Yuy estate, leaving Trowa to take care of the Peacecraft estate by himself. Well, he always went there to check up on them whenever he could but it wasn't the same when he and Relena or either one of them were there to oversee everything. Besides, wasn't her only reason for staying her concern for him? And now that he was back to his usual self, there wasn't any reason for him to ask her to stay, was there? 

"I think it is. They need you there." Again, he saw something in her eyes. Relief? Joy? Fear? Sadness? Uncertainty? Or a mixture of them? "I need you to be there. You know that you're the only person I can count on to help me." He wanted to say that he needed her here too but he couldn't be that selfish. 

Their eyes met for the longest time. Her eyes were the clearest blue he had ever seen. "You're right. I'll talk to Sally first then I'll be going." 

************@@************

That was how their current arrangement was settled. She went back to manage the Peacecraft Estate in his stead and he remained in the Yuy Estate. He visited weekly though, staying there overnight then taking her with him the next day to the Yuy estate where it was her turn to oversee her other household. She would also stay overnight then he would take her back the following morning. They wouldn't see each other again until the end of the week. So far, this arrangement worked for them, having done it for the past 1 ½ years. But sometimes, he felt that that weekly visit wasn't enough, for him at least.

He then heard Elija, one of the older retainers, said something about seeing pink elephants. "Pink elephants my ass. I'm still listening, you know."

Male laughter erupted. Since the estate was doing great, these weekly discussions, which supposedly tackled estate matters, ended up being a male bonding session. It was fun hearing the stories that his retainers and tenants waited a week for to tell him. "Just checking, boss. You seemed a bit distracted." He grinned. "Can't wait to see the misus, eh?"  

"The pitfalls of living apart," Tony added. "Effective in some ways, frustrating in others. Right, boss?"

Heero just shrugged. Everybody laughed again. Frank, the oldest among them, raised a hand. The laughing stopped. "But the deepest pitfall of all is that everybody knew that you are living apart. And a woman whose husband is away for an indefinite time is a source of temptation to many," he said in a serious tone.

"You mean to those who doesn't have morals," Ali snorted. "Vultures. Hyenas. Pigs."

Heero's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?" He glanced sharply at Trowa. But Trowa fixed his gaze over Heero's shoulder and didn't answer his question. Instead he said, "Lunch is ready. I think the women needs our help."

Heero turned around and saw Relena with the other women, carrying food and setting them down on the long table outside the house. Relena lifted her head and saw him looking at her. She gave him a little wave then went back inside. "Trowa's right. We better help them." But a quick glance at Trowa told him that he still wanted to know what was going on. Trowa nodded in reply and all of them walked towards the direction of the table. 


	3. If You

The time I'm seeing you 

By Neesah

For those of you who were wondering what kind of setting I used for this fic, well, it's kind of an AU where the time is like our 'present' though the mode of living, not to mention the values, morals and beliefs were that of a fiefdom. That's why they talk like us, act like us, even if the setting feels like that of the olden days. 

Well, I planned for this to be the final chapter but thinking that it'll be too long, I decided to cut it. Gomen ne!  

Chapter 3: If…You 

Relena stopped by the door of the study, feeling a bit apprehensive. There was no reason to fear what was at the opposite side of that door, she reasoned to herself. It was Heero who was inside the study. Her husband. Her friend. The one who promised to take care of her and protect her from whoever her enemies might be. But that thought alone was enough reason for her fear. Not of him but **for** him. He would do anything to protect her. Anything. That fact sent a chill down her spine, almost making her drop the tray she was carrying and all the coffee service on it to the floor.  

Their communal lunch that afternoon turned out to be a spectacle. Well, all of their weekly communal lunches always turned out to be a spectacle of sort. Everybody who lived in the Peacecraft Estate, from the retainers and tenants to the smallest children, waited for Heero's weekly visit that it became a ritual, a routine. They had accepted him as their Laird, thankful to their old Laird for choosing him because he was fair, just and had a big heart. He might be silent or aloof at times, stern even, but they saw beneath the façade. They loved him and would defend his honor and his household. They saw him as one of them for he treated them as equals. Heero didn't like them to call him 'Lord Heero', just like she didn't want to be called 'Lady Relena', so the males settled to calling him 'boss' affectionately.

That was why she couldn't blame Trowa, Frank and the others when they told him about the incident that happened 2 days ago. Well, they didn't really tell him what happened. She did. But there was no doubt in her mind that the men must had slipped or dropped some hints earlier that made Heero curious enough to ask Trowa what was going on after they ate. Of course, Trowa being Trowa, told him that it wasn't his place to tell it, before looking at her. And Heero being Heero, just looked at her and patiently waited for her answer. 

It took her a while to reply. She knew he wouldn't like what she was going to tell him. She knew he would be mad and she didn't want to trouble him. She didn't want him to do something he might regret later on just because of her. That was why she spent the last 2 days thinking on how to gently break the news to him so he wouldn't react as strongly as she knew he would if she told him the unedited version. The thought of just keeping it a secret from him even crossed her mind, but she decided against it. She had to tell him. She owed that much to him. And she would try to make it sound as if it weren't such a big deal so he wouldn't worry too much.  

But being the weak fool that she was, she told him everything. Not the edited version but the actual one, with all the details that even the others didn't know. Because in all honestly, it was a big deal. She had never felt or known that much fear in her entire life than she felt during that time though she hid it quite well in front of Trowa and the others. But all of her hard-won self-control slipped upon seeing Heero. With him, she could let herself feel fear because she believed with all of her heart that he would keep her safe. 

Two days ago, Daniel Wise came to the manor. There wasn't anything unusual about that. Lairds and their heirs had always come to the estate to do business with her. Heero had told all the Lairds who came to him that if ever they wanted to do business with the Peacecraft Estate, they didn't have to look or come for him for permission. They could do it directly with her and Trowa. If for whatever reasons Relena and Trowa couldn't help them, then they could come to him. But Heero also made a provision stating that whenever any of the Lairds would come to the Estate to talk to Relena, they should send a word of their arrival beforehand, and that they should come in a party of three or four. And that in these meetings, Relena should be accompanied by Trowa, or if Trowa was unavailable, by any other retainer or tenant there. She knew that he made this provision to make sure of her safety and reputation. So far, that arrangement had been effective, though at first the Lairds were uncomfortable dealing with a woman. They got used to it after awhile. In fact, they got so used to it that most of the young men had come for social calls as well. This time it was she who became uncomfortable. Since it wasn't business, Trowa or any other retainer or tenant couldn't stay with them, though they and the other women in the manor still managed to keep an eye on her. They wouldn't let her be 'really' alone with those jackals who saw an opportunity to take advantage of a very beautiful yet vulnerable married lady. The young men coaxed, wooed, cajoled and flirted with her, trying to extract information on her and Heero's personal life in exchange for the rumors they heard about their marriage that circulated among the estates. Everybody knew that they stayed in different estates and that Heero only came once a week to visit and that because of this, the men thought that she was 'craving' male companionship. 

She straightened them out, politely of course, time and time again but they stubbornly kept on it. She couldn't really forbid them to come, it was against the rules of hospitality. And they hadn't done anything wrong really. She was strong enough to battle their verbal attacks and abuse. She didn't fear them. They couldn't do anything to her since this was her house and if ever things got out of hand, help was just around the corner. 

Heero knew about these social calls. He knew that she got lonely sometimes and needed some friends to keep her company. Duo, Quatre, Wufei, Hilde and Dorothy frequently visited her. They also visited Heero in the Yuy manor from time to time. She had always told Heero of anyone who came to visit, though she left out the details about the young men trying to seduce her. Because there was no doubt that if she did, Heero would immediately pay these young men a 'visit' everyone wouldn't likely to forget. She thought that keeping quiet about this was the right thing to do. They would get tired of this little game eventually and leave her in peace.

But what happened two days ago told her otherwise. Daniel Wise was one of those jackals who kept on trying to get her to bed. And he was the most persistent of them all. Maybe it was because of the incident during Hilde's 15th birthday party. He came in midmorning unannounced and unchaperoned for a social visit. Since most of the males were already in the fields working, 13 yr old Allen became her chaperon. As was expected, he was up to his usual antics and he didn't leave 'til before lunch was served. He wouldn't even consider leaving if Relena didn't told him pointedly that he should leave since he spent two hours with her already and she still had some other things to do. 

Siesta time came right after lunch. It was a period of rest and relaxation for everyone. During this time, the women who helped in the manor returned to their own homes and spent some relaxing time with their family while the servants went to their rooms to take naps. On her part, she usually spent this time taking walks in the nearby woods leading to her favorite pond. But that afternoon, she only got a few minutes to be alone by the pond for Daniel suddenly appeared and approached her from behind. Daniel had been hiding there and was waiting for her. And in that particular moment, she felt fear. So that was the reason for all those questions about her habits and routines! He must have been planning to get her alone like this! And then there was that habit of his of always coming before lunch. She bet that he had been observing her come to this place for a while now. 

He said coaxing words at her at first while she succinctly told him to leave her alone, well, to actually leave her property. Then, he became pretty persuasive and violent. He grabbed her by the shoulders, pressed her tightly against him then kissed her viciously on the mouth. With all her strength, she bit him hard and shoved him away from her. She was about to run away when his arms grabbed her in a vise-like grip. She kicked and screamed, even if she knew that neither would be of help to her. Though she was just a little way off the manor, her voice would just be absorbed by the open space. Besides, the few servants she had would be sound asleep inside and wouldn't be able to hear. With all things considered, she still decided that that she wouldn't go down without a fight. 

She continued kicking and screaming while Daniel pushed her against a tree. Out of nowhere, they heard someone scream, "Leave her alone!" before something from the tree dropped and hit Daniel from above. Relena felt relieved when he saw Allen standing in front of her, his arms outstretched, shielding her from Daniel. Her relief then instantly turned to fear when she thought what Daniel might do to a little kid. But Allen taunted him with words long enough for Trowa and the others to arrive, which, she figured out later on, was Allen and 12 yr old Yari's plan from the very start. They were playing hide and seek in the woods, near the pond, when they heard all the commotion. Allen sent Yari to go find Trowa while he distracted Daniel. 

Allen immediately led her to the waiting men and as she approached them, Trowa's eyes turned on her, checking her from head to toe, noticing the bruises, the few rips on her dress, the paleness of her skin. "Relena," his voice was soft yet with sharp edge, it sounded like a mix between a question and a confirmation, concern bordering to rage evident on his face. "I'm alright, Trowa," she told him in a shaky voice. She saw his eyes thawed a bit, showing relief and tenderness, before reverting back to coldness as he pinned Daniel with an icy stare. He then wrapped an arm around her waist, comforting her, supporting her, helping her stand.

Seeing the irate males with weapons looming over him, Daniel tried to weasel his way out, telling them that he wasn't doing anything wrong and that Allen just appeared out of nowhere and started the whole ruckus. Of course nobody believed him. Even Yari glared and yelled at him, repeating what Allen had said to Daniel earlier. "When Heero hears about this, he's gonna kick your ass!"

Hearing Heero's name again, he began this tirade on how Heero didn't really know what he was doing, that he wasn't a good laird, that he didn't care about them or the estate but just the money, that he didn't care about his wife and surely he had a mistress and so on and so forth. That made everybody even angrier, if that was possible. The kids yelled, "Don't talk about Heero like that!" while one of the men even threatened to cut off his tongue if he didn't stop talking nonsense. She was still in some state of shock because of what almost happened to her and if it weren't for Trowa's arm, she would have fallen on her knees a long time ago but hearing him insult Heero made her blood boil. And the strength she regained from that rage replaced her shock with the overwhelming desire to yell and hit him in a few places. But feeling Trowa's hand tensed around her waist and his clipped and cold voice saying, "Never say such insulting words about our Laird, Lady or anything pertaining to this estate ever again. Because if you do and I am there to hear it, I'll chop you to pieces and feed you to the birds," snapped her out of her stupor, making her realize that she had to remain calm and take control of the situation. Or else her retainers would really cut Daniel up to pieces. Oh, she savored the idea, but she didn't want anyone important to her to endanger and complicate their lives.          

That was why she gathered her strength, raised her trembling hand to stop everyone from yelling and talking at the same time and told Daniel in a cold voice that the men would escort him now outside the estate. And that he wouldn't be welcome in the estate anymore except for business reasons but he should announce his arrival first and bring a lot of people with him or else she would kick him out. With that, Trowa, Yari and Allen helped her walk back to the manor while the remaining men escorted Daniel out of the estate.  

Heero looked calm when she finished telling him the story but she knew him well enough to recognize the cold rage in his eyes and the way his whole body tightened like a tensed, coiled wire. The others noticed this too and remained silent. He then told everyone to start cleaning up so they could have their siesta because after that, all of them would be going back to work. When he stood up, she grabbed his hand and whispered his name. "Heero." Just one word, but she knew Heero understood what she was asking. He squeezed her hand and told her, "We'll talk later," before walking off, in the direction of the stables. Trowa glanced at her, stood up then walked after Heero. 

She hadn't seen him since, until it was time for dinner. In their routine, the afternoon belonged to the people, satisfying their need to be with their Laird. But the evening was theirs, the only time they had for themselves. Dinner was like any other dinner they had. She told him what (else) happened during the week (her usual weekly report) while he told her about his week (his usual weekly report also), which of course led to the news of Duo and Hilde's engagement. All that time, she carefully watched him, wanting to ask him what he was planning to do, or more precisely, what he already did since she heard from the other men that he and Trowa disappeared for quite a while that afternoon. What she couldn't admit to herself was that she wanted to ask him if he was mad at her, or if that he was disgusted with her now.  

After dinner, they usually retired to the study, had coffee, tea or wine and talked some more. Once he was settled inside, she went out to get their coffee service, which was the reason why she was standing outside the door right now. After taking a deep breath while balancing the tray on one hand, she opened the door and stepped inside.    

She saw him standing by the window, gazing out. She put down the tray and poured both of them a cup. She took one cup to him, then walked back, took hers and sat down. She quietly sipped her coffee while watching him sipped his own. He remained standing, still gazing out the window. She studied his profile, noting that he really had changed from that little boy she knew back then, from the 15-yr old guy she married 3 years ago, to this strong and competent Laird standing with her now, though it was obvious that he still had some more growing to do. He was handsome, that fact she could honestly admit to herself since she could see it with her own eyes and hear it from other girls who giggled and sighed whenever he was near. She couldn't really blame them because giggling and sighing, she decided, were a normal reaction to seeing Heero. Actually, she sometimes felt the urge to giggle and sigh herself but pride wouldn't permit her to react that way so she didn't. Though **that** really took a lot of effort in her part.      

The silence stretched far too long for her that she couldn't stand it any longer. "It's my fault. I know I should have told you about those jerks even before and if I did, we would have taken precautions by then and things wouldn't have gone so out of hand. This would have been avoided. So you see, it's much of my fault as those sleazy men…"

"Your only fault is not telling me sooner, though knowing how you don't like to worry or cause trouble to anyone, it's really more of an endearing yet frustrating character flaw than your fault." He finally turned around to face her, his intense gaze meeting her. Her heart skipped twice then stopped… then skipped again. "But remember this fact Relena--- because you worry about us so much, we have the right to worry about you in the same degree. Let us worry about you. It's our job. It's **my** job." He tilted his head. "Where did I hear that one before?" he asked with a slight smile.

She smiled back but then, she saw his smile fade and his face reverted back to that expressionless mask. He turned his face towards the window again. "Honestly, it's more of my fault than yours."

"And why is that?" she asked, a bit challenging.

"Because I wasn't here with you." He took a deep breath then turned to face her once again. "I've decided."

Relena's forehead furrowed. "Decided on what?"

"That from now on, I'll be here for lunch until the end of siesta to keep you company. To keep you safe."

Her eyes widened in shock and, she grudgingly admitted, a little anticipation. "But wouldn't that be tiresome for you to go back and forth?"

He smiled. "You'll feed me so I know I'll survive. And don't tell Sally but I like your cooking better. Even if it's the same recipe, yours taste different than hers." His expression became serious again. "Besides, that's the only time when you're alone and unguarded, when everyone else is resting and caught up in their own little world. At least at night, you're inside, all the doors and windows bolted, the guard dogs stationed outside, and everyone's more alert, careful, expecting danger." He studied her face for a moment. "Is it ok with you? I mean, me coming here every lunch time and intruding---"

"No! Yes! I mean yes, it's ok with me and no, you won't be intruding. It'll be fun spending more time with you and I won't be lonely anymore." She then blushed, thinking that she said too much than what she intended to say. "Anyways, where did you and Trowa disappeared to?" she asked, wanting to change the subject.   

"We went to the Wise Estate," he answered in a deceptively calm voice.

Relena sprang to her feet. "Heero…"

"Don't worry, I didn't kill him. Hell, I didn't even get the satisfaction of beating him into a bloody pulp for what he did to you."

"N-nothing serious really happened, believe me," she said, her voice and body trembling.

Heero put down his cup and went to her. He hugged her gently, and she welcomed it, settling her head against his chest. She savored his scent, his strength, basking in his presence. "I know. I believe you. But he planned on doing something. He thought of causing you harm. And I don't care if he didn't really succeed in doing it, it's all the same to me. I want him to pay. But since I know you won't like it if I hurt him too much, I settled on just punching him twice--- one on the face and the other on the stomach." 

She lifted her chin, a defiant look in her eyes. "I'm not worried about what will happen to him."

He placed a finger on her lips, silencing her. "I know. You're worried about what will happen to me. You don't want me to get into trouble." He sighed, lifting his finger off her lips. "The fact is I don't know if I could hold my temper the next time I see that bastard. Even if he came just a foot away from you, I'm going to rip him apart. That's why I told the Wise Laird that if they still wanted to do business with us, he has to send someone else besides that stupid son of his. He is no longer welcome to step on either Peaceceraft or Yuy estates. I also warned him that if ever I or any of my people saw even the slightest glimpse of his son in my property, it will be considered trespassing and we will not hesitate to shoot him on the spot." He wrapped his other arm around her again. "This decree completely nullifies the decree you told Daniel, for that I apologize, but I'm telling you now, nothing will make me change my mind."

She stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. "No worries here. I'm not planning on changing your mind. It's better this way. Boss."

He laughed then kissed her back on the cheek. In response, she kissed him on the other cheek. Not to be outdone, he also kissed her on her other cheek. She tried to kiss him on the cheek again but by some twist of fate (she might had miscalculated or Heero unconsciously tilted his head by accident), her lips landed on his mouth instead. Surprised, and a bit flushed, but rather than turn away, she gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Which he returned. Suddenly, she found herself kissing him again and again, wanting more and more. And he gave her more. Much more. 

His fingers got tangled into her hair, while her hands clutched the front part of his shirt as their kiss deepened. Everything started to spin around them uncontrollably then suddenly froze. The outside world disappeared and Heero was the only thing, dead or alive, that still existed --- the one person who was making every inch of her skin alive and burning.

A moment later he pulled away. His face was just millimeters away from her, his eyes were two deep, drowning pools of blue burning with an unfathomable expression ---scary yet exciting. Realizing what she just did, well, what they just did, she let go of him abruptly as if stung. She was confused, and she now noticed that her confusion was mirrored in his eyes also, replacing that hungry look she had glimpsed of earlier. They stared at each other for a few heartbeats before Heero said, "We better head to bed. We'll be leaving for the Yuy estate first thing in the morning." 

Honestly speaking, neither of them needed that reminder to a simple part of their routine. They had been doing this for a year and a half now, for crying out loud. But Relena nodded, watching him at the corner of her eye as he raked his fingers through his hair--- a nervous gesture of his, accepting his words for what they really were --- an excuse. An excuse for both of them to gracefully break the tension and leave. Heero picked up his cup and handed it to her, and she noticed that both of them were carefully trying to avoid not only their skin from touching but their eyes from meeting as well. Lifting the tray, she bid Heero goodnight before leaving the room.         


	4. Resolution

The time I'm seeing you 

By Neesah

Chapter 4: Resolution 

Spending lunch and siesta time with Relena everyday was one of the best ideas he ever had, Heero thought as he climbed the giant staircase in the Yuy Manor leading to the suite of rooms in the second floor. He hadn't realized how much he really had missed her since they decided to live apart or how much he had been lonely since then, until now. It had been three months but it felt like only yesterday when he came to the Peacecraft estate for their first lunch date and everybody was pleasantly surprised. Even Duo and their other friends who came to visit Relena a few days later were surprised upon seeing him with her, though he could sense their approval and that other thing he couldn't describe that he always had seen in their eyes whenever he and Relena were together. Now that it was mentioned, he had been seeing that expression in the eyes of every person who knew them as long as he could remember. Exasperated amusement? Frustrated waiting? Mild irritation? Sometimes it seemed to him that they were alternately laughing at and feeling bad for them silently, by the looks of that all-knowing 'they're-so-cute-it's-really-sad-they're-complete-morons' expression on their faces. Well, it didn't really matter. They were happy and content, and that was that.

Well, not really **that **content, at least personally speaking. He couldn't understand why, but the more time he spent with her, the more he ached to be with her. He couldn't get enough of her, and that was driving him insane. Not to mention scared too. Why? Why was he behaving this way? Why was he feeling this way? And why, in the name of all that was holy, couldn't he forget the feel of her lips on his? True, he had kissed her numerous times before, but on her cheeks, on her forehead, hands, hair and aside from that one short, perfunctory kiss during their wedding which they did in front of a lot of people, never on the lips. And never **that** long and deep. He didn't know that a kiss would feel like that --- as if liquid fire was consuming him inside out as he suddenly shot up to the sky then plunged downwards. When he pulled away, it took him at least ten seconds to realize that, yes, he was still standing on solid ground and, of course, he never really left Earth in the first place. But the worse thing was, try as he might, he couldn't stop himself from thinking, wishing, that it would happen again.

That compulsion and his ever growing need to always be with her caused him to, one night, ride his horse and visit her during dinner. She was surprised but evidently happy to see him, which in turn made him feel warm all over. He stayed for a couple of minutes after dinner then went back. It felt so good that whenever he found the time, he would also spend dinnertime with her. But not tonight. He had a lot of things to take care of and since he would be going there tomorrow for his 'official' weekly visit, he thought that he could endure one day of not seeing her.

He went inside the master's bedroom, tossed his jacket on a chair and threw himself on the bed. He stared at the ceiling, his hands cradling his head, as he tried to make sense of his actions. Going back and forth everyday and sometimes, twice in a day was physically draining but other than that, he felt refreshed, energized even. It felt right. It felt good. So why was he so confused?

His eyes then darted to the portrait to his left. It was their wedding picture. It was one of the first things he had transferred from his old room to the master's bedroom when he finally settled in this room. Again, he disobeyed another tradition dictating that wedding portraits should be hung in the formal receiving room for everyone to see. Nobody really cared about somebody else's portrait and if anybody would care, it would be him, he reasoned. So he hung it where he would see it, where he would usually see it. For him, it was a token, a reassurance and a confirmation that he chose her, that he married her. That she was his.   

And thinking of her made him glance towards the portrait to his right. Relena's portrait. He stood up and walked over to it, lightly tracing her lips, caressing her jaw as if he were touching the real thing. It was a gift from Quatre, a good friend, painter and future Laird of the Winner Estate. The first Christmas when he and Relena decided to live apart, Quatre made two portraits--- one of him and the other of Relena. He gave Relena's to him and his to Relena, saying that the portraits could fill in for either of them whenever they felt lonely. Though it was a poor substitute for the real thing, it still eased his loneliness for time to time. He even got used to sleeping at the right-hand side of the bed, facing the right wall where he could see her face first thing when he woke up. But he often wondered if Relena felt the same way about him, if she missed him as much as he missed her. And in that case, if Quatre's gift to her was of any help since she hung his portrait on the master's bedroom and not on her own room. The thought saddened him in a way he couldn't comprehend but at the same time further fueled the overwhelming desire inside of him to see her. Right then and there.

So he did the only thing that he could do. He went out to see her.

Relena looked up from her book and adjusted the shawl on her shoulders as she inclined her head, listening to the rhythmic thumping of the rain outside. She had just gone inside the master's bedroom and barely got to the bed with her book when it started to rain. That was, at least, an hour ago yet it still kept on pouring. It felt like the sky was as lonely as she was, she thought. On impulse, her gaze zoned on the portrait on the left wall and smiled. "Heero." Quatre really captured his wildness, his aloofness and everything about him in that picture. She knew she had a similar portrait hanging in the master's bedroom in the Yuy Manor, opposite their wedding picture but she had always wondered if Heero got the same comfort she was getting from just looking at his picture. She sighed again, thinking that it was one of those questions she wouldn't really get any answers to. Heero had his secrets just like she had hers. And this was one of them.

Nobody knew that she actually slept inside the master's bedroom whenever Heero wasn't there. She managed to keep this a secret by making sure to only retire when all the servants were already inside their rooms and by waking very early in the morning to go back to her own room as a precaution if anybody went up to look for her. She knew that she was making her life more complicated but what else was there to do? She needed him. She had always needed him. And now, she needed him more than ever before. The weekly visit wasn't enough to start with, and the daily lunches and occasional dinners made her need to see him, to be with him even stronger. He was like a drug she got addicted to, she couldn't shake him off. That was why she took whatever comfort she could --- staying in his room where his presence was at the strongest. Here, she could fulfill her silent wish—his face being the last thing she would see before closing her eyes, and the first thing she would see when she opened them in the morning. When her gaze traveled down to his mouth, she looked away. "If it weren't for that damned kiss!" she muttered. She blamed that kiss for making her feel this way. True, it never became an issue between them for the following day, both of them behaved as if nothing awkward had happened the night before and it never happened again of course, which, by the way, she suspected was the whole reason why she was feeling more edgy. Because even how hard she tried to deceive herself, the truth always managed to resurface. She wanted it to happen again.      

She shook his head, trying to shake the thought away. Her eyes then settled on the other painting in the room, opposite Heero's. Quatre wasn't the only one of their friends who was a painter. Trowa had some skill too though it was Quatre who helped him improve his craft. They weren't that friendly to each other at first. More precisely, Trowa wasn't that friendly to him at first. Quatre frequently visited her for both business and social reasons and being the Head Retainer, Trowa was civil towards him but a bit wary. Only when he realized that Quatre meant her no harm did he thaw a bit around him. But when the Winner heir started showing interest on Catherine and Catherine seemed to have developed affections towards him as well, Trowa became wary again, even to the point of coldness, which didn't surprise either her or Cathy. Trowa tend to become overprotective at times. But he gradually got passed that phase as soon as it became evident that Quatre wasn't the type of person who would cause anyone harm and the two of them eventually became friends. And the painting she was looking at right now was the first major endeavor Trowa did without Quatre's help. It was also his 2nd anniversary gift to them.

She smiled, remembering that day which Trowa patterned the painting from. Hilde, Duo, Wufei and Quatre came by to spend siesta with her during one of Heero's weekly visits. Heero came back from the fields earlier than usual and showed them around the estate, their last stop being Trowa and Catherine's house. From there, they had a full view of the sun setting behind the mountains. Duo, Hilde, Quatre, Catherine, Trowa and Wufei all had chosen to stay by the rocks where they could watch the sunset sitting down, Trowa wanting to sketch the view but she and Heero opted to stand a distance away, directly in front of them. Heero had his left arm draped over her shoulder while she had her right arm around his waist as she leaned her head against him. A gust of wind suddenly blew, making her tuck a strand of hair behind her left ear while Heero brushed his hair away from his eyes. Noticing that they did the same thing at the same time, she lifted her chin to look at him as he glanced down at her. When their gazes met, they smiled, the beauty of the sunset and their friends forgotten. This emotion was what Trowa captured in his painting, naming it 'The Time I'm Seeing You'. Was this how everybody saw them? Was this what everybody thought they had seen in them, what the others thought they were seeing in each other? 

She rose from the bed and slowly walked towards Heero's portrait, her gaze never leaving his as if he was really looking at her. She stood before it, as silent and as still as the person in the portrait, though a myriad of emotions swirled in the depths of her eyes. "Why?" she asked softly. "Why did you ma--" Her voice trailed off when she heard the door opened. She whirled around, her eyes widening with the sight that greeted her. 

"Heero!" she exclaimed before running towards him. "You're drenched! What were you thinking going out in the rain like that? Come on in and change before you catch a cold," she told him in a stern voice as she pulled him inside the room and closed the door. She led him towards the bathroom and without thinking, pulled off his shirt, grabbed a towel and started drying him off. When she realized what she was doing, namely that she was standing in front of a half-naked, wet guy and drying him off with a towel in a confined space, her hands stilled. She dropped the towel on his head then jumped back. "Umm, you can finish cleaning up while I ready your clothes. Oh, and I'll get you some hot chocolate too." With that, she hurriedly went out, closing the door behind her. 

After Relena left, he stripped off his remaining clothes and took a quick shower. When he was done, he wrapped a towel around his waist and went out. Relena was nowhere to be seen, probably still preparing the hot chocolate, but he saw the clothes she got for him on top of the bed. Grateful that Relena always made sure that his closet in the Peacecraft Manor was stocked, he grabbed them then went back inside the bathroom. 

When he went out again a few minutes later, Relena was already back. He walked over to the loveseat where Relena was setting down the tray on a nearby table. She glanced up when he reached her, offered him a steaming mug then sat down, leaning sideways against an arm of the loveseat, also holding a mug in her hands. He smiled at her in thanks then sat down himself, also leaning against the other edge, his body slanted sideways so they could face each other.         

Silence enveloped them as they carefully sipped their drinks, the sound of the pouring rain almost getting softer by then. When he felt warm enough, he put down his mug and noticed that she also put down hers.  

"Now that you're all dry, I think it's time you answer my question," she told him, obviously referring to the 'What were you thinking going out in the rain like that?' comment earlier.

He shrugged. "I was already out when the rain started." Out of the stables, that is. But he would be darned if he would say that one out loud to her.

The look of disapproval and concern for his well-being didn't waver on her face. "Still, you should have sought the nearest shelter. Where were you headed that's more important than your health anyways?"

He watched her for a second, debating whether to tell the truth or not, at the same time also trying to gauge what her reaction would be like for either one. Finally, he answered, "Here."

The concern on her face sharpened. "Why? What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"No, no, everything's fine," he quickly assured her.

"Then why did you come here if there weren't any emergencies that couldn't wait until tomorrow?" 

"I—" He paused abruptly as he rocked his brains for an answer. He spent that whole time traveling thinking of reasons upon reasons for his coming here but he suddenly forgot every one of them. Well, except for the truth. "I wanted to see you."

Her eyes widened. She looked as surprised (stunned was actually a better description for it) as when she saw him standing by the door. Remembering that, he asked, "Relena, why are you here?" and by here he meant 'inside' the master's bedroom.

The concern on her face turned into embarrassment. She looked away.  "I'm feeling a bit lonely," she told him softly. Before he could respond, she turned to face him again. There was an intense glint in her eyes that made him forget whatever it was he was going to say. "Why did you marry me, Heero? Why did you let your father make you ask for my hand?"

The question caught him of guard, making his race pulse. In his mind, he could clearly recall a masculine voice asking him the same question not so long ago. But what affected him the most was that he could taste the underlying bitterness and confusion in her question, mixed with something else. Hope? Longing? And he knew the longer he remained silent, the more hurt she would be. Gathering his wits, he replied, "Your father asked me the same thing, you know."

"What answer did you tell him?" she asked in a subdued voice though the look in her eyes clearly told him that she had wanted to ask him about that talk with her father for a long time now. 

Deciding it was time to tell her, Heero reached back to that day and told Relena what happened. 

*************@@*************

As he sat beside his father and opposite the Peacecraft Laird, he tried to calm his nerves. He had never been this nervous when meeting Anthony, but then, he had never asked for his daughter's hand before. The two Lairds had already finished discussing business and Arren just finished presenting Anthony with their proposal, which was why Heero was currently being pinned by Anthony's thoughtful yet scrutinizing stare. It was only because of years of careful and self-imposed training not to mention inborn talent did he manage to succeed looking calm, cool and nonchalant, the exact opposite of what he was really feeling inside. After a few more tensed minutes, the old Laird spoke. "So, you want to marry my daughter. What is it that your father told you you'll gain with this, hmm?"

Heero glanced at his father and saw that he didn't take any offense with Anthony's comment, and that he wouldn't interfere. "He didn't tell me anything. It was my choice, not his."  Was it just his nerves or did he really see a ghost of a smile on the old Laird's face?

"If it were your choice then I rephrase my question. What is it that you think you'll gain with marrying Relena?"

"I don't think of gaining anything," he answered, his voice as cold as the look in his eyes.         

"Then why do you want to marry her?"

"So I can protect her," he replied. "So I can make her happy."

Anthony remained silent for a while, thinking over his answer. "Do you love her, Heero?"

"I…" he started to say, the coldness turning into confusion, uncertainty. "I don't know. Not really. Maybe not in that way. I mean I care for her. We're friends, that I'm sure of and the idea of her marrying one of those jackals makes my blood boil. They only want to marry her just so they can own the Peacecraft Estate and make her their trophy wife. It makes me sick. Love may be too strong of a word for that and truthfully, I don't think we're old enough to really know about it but a good friend won't just stand by and let something like this happen if there's something he can to do to help. That's what I'm doing."       

"So you're telling me that she would be better off with you?"

"I would **treat** her better, yes."

"And you're not aspiring to own the Peacecraft Estate for yourself?"

"Why would I? I have my own estate to inherit one day and I don't need to remind you that it's much larger than yours." Only after finishing his statement did he recognize how rude it sounded. "I beg your pa---"

 "It's ok," Anthony said, waving a hand. "Don't worry about it. You're just being honest and one shouldn't apologize for saying the truth." He was clearly amused. "Then tell me this, don't you care about the Peacecraft estate at all? Aren't you interested about its welfare? What if I chose you for my daughter and you became the next Laird? Would you care for it just like you would care for your own estate?"

"Of course I would. It's Relena's and I promise to protect and take care of her and of everything that belongs to her."   

"But what if after I died, you discovered that I didn't leave the estate to you and Relena, that I arranged for a far male relative to inherit it. What would you do?"

Puzzled, he answered, "Nothing. What do you want me to do?"

"But surely it would change everything, right?"

"Except for the fact that the Peacecraft estate doesn't belong to Relena anymore, it changes nothing."

"You wouldn't fight my relative's claim?"

"If there were papers legally stating his claim then what's the point?"

"What about Relena? She would own nothing by then." 

"What is mine is hers also She would manage the Yuy estate with me."

"You wouldn't leave her, divorce her or abandon her?"

"Why would I?" he said for the second time, anger and puzzlement lacing his voice.

The Peacecraft Laird stared at him. Then, he asked, "What if I chose someone else to marry her?"

Fear went through his whole body but he tried to answer as calmly and as honestly as he could, just like what he vowed himself to do. "Then she would marry the one you chose."

"What about you?"

"I'll remain her friend." He hesitated, then added, "I'll always be her friend."

Again, Anthony fell silent as he mulled over his answers. "So basically, what you're telling me is that you want to marry my daughter because you don't want her to marry someone who only thinks of the benefits of such a union and not of her welfare and happiness, which you said is your priority. And that you care about the estate though you care for Relena more and even finding out that she won't inherit it will never change that fact. But you don't love her. Not in that sense. Well, you're not really sure since you're not old enough to know what real love is and what it isn't. But what you're certain of is that you're friends and friends help each other, protect each other. And that won't change even if she married someone else." He smiled at him. "Did I cover everything?"

Heero took a deep breath. "Yes, you did."

"I see." Anthony glanced at the Yuy Laird. "Your son is wise beyond his years."

Arren looked at him first before looking at Anthony. "Anyone who can look at himself honestly and see things for what they are and not rush **is**."     

"Well said," Anthony agreed. "And since we're talking about wisdom, I hope you both don't mind if I impart you with something that might pass for it." Neither Heero nor his father said anything so Anthony took it as a sign of assent. "All beginnings start small. That's because growth entails time and nurturing. Take for example, a seed. It's small and hidden, buried deep, that sometimes it seems like it's not there at all. Yet it **is** there. It'll then take root while its tiny tendrils slowly creep up to the surface. And the moment it finally breaks through the soil will be like a sudden rush, magnificent yet scary. And once it blooms, ah, there'll be nothing like it. Who would have thought something that beautiful and magnificent came from something as small as a seed?" he remarked, gesturing with his hand. His eyes then captured Heero's for an intense second. "Do you have any questions for me, lad?"

"Just one."

"Then ask away."

"Well, it's not really important. I'm just curious," he began. "Does anyone who asks for your daughter's hand gets questioned like this?"

Anthony didn't even bother to hide his amusement. "If it'll somehow comfort you to know that the others also experienced the same interrogation as you, then yes, everyone got questioned. My motives for the questions are evident and understandable, don't you agree? But I also want you to know that I didn't question them this long and that's mainly because their answers didn't lead to more questions like yours did." He gave him a sly grin. "You talk a lot more and with a lot more sense than you let other people think you do, Heero Yuy."     

"People think what they want to believe, Lord Anthony."

"So true," he replied. "Is that all you wish to ask me?" 

"Hn."

 "Well then. I think I asked all the questions I needed to ask. I'll think your proposal over," he told them as he stood up.

Heero and his father also stood up and said their goodbyes. Anthony walked them to the door of the study with Arren going out first. Before Heero could leave, Antony clamped a hand on his arm. "I want to say thank you. I'm glad my daughter has a friend like you."

Heero gave him a small but grateful smile.

"And because of that, I want to give you one piece of advice, the same advice I told Relena a few days ago," he told the young heir quietly. "You believe that you're too young to know what love is. Well, you're right. Love is like a seed. It takes time for it to grow to what it should be. In it's early stages, it's still small, almost unseen, with it deeply buried underneath but it's there all the same. Don't forget that."    

*************@@*************

"So you see, marrying you is all my idea, not my father's. It was my choice. You're my choice." 

"Why?" whispered, her expression unreadable.

Heero looked at everything else but her. "I already told you why."

"Because I'm a friend. And you went out of your way to help a friend in need," she stated softly, her voice laced with resentment, resignation and a bit of irony. "Funny, it's practically in the same notion why I chose you."

Surprised, he looked at her. "What do you mean you chose me? Your father picked me for your husband, didn't he?" 

"He did. But being the one whose getting married, he said that it was really my choice and that he was only there to scout the field so to speak. So he asked me. And I told him I'll marry you."

His eyes never left hers as he mulled over her words. She picked him. Of all the men seeking her hand, she picked him. If that was the case, then… A smile appeared on his lips without even realizing it nor understanding why. "We chose each other." 

Relena couldn't help but smile back, though hers was a bit sad. "Yes, I guess we did." She then lowered her gaze. "But what if things were different? If there wasn't any immediate need for me to undergo an arranged marriage, if I were like any normal girl, like Hilde or Dorothy, who had the freedom to wait and not rush, to let time run its course, what then? Do you think, when the time came, we still would have chosen each other?"

The way she said it made his heart ache. He would do anything, **anything**, to make that pain and sadness she was feeling go away. Without thinking, he crossed the small distance separating them and lifted her chin with a finger. But the moment their eyes locked, he forgot whatever it was he was planning to do or say. The intensity in her eyes, the feel of her skin, the sweet scent of her hair, the fullness of her lips --- just about anything and everything about her took his breath away. She was beautiful. Remarkably, painstakingly, heart-stoppingly beautiful. But that wasn't any secret. With her flowing, golden hair, delicately-shaped face and radiant, sky-blue eyes, everyone referred to her as the most beautiful woman in the land. And she was. It was the simple truth, though not in it's entirety. She was beautiful, not only at the outside but also at the inside. Light shone from her, as well as beauty. Strength too. And love. No wonder people couldn't help but be drawn to her! But the most fascinating thing was her ignorance of the way she seemed to affect other people, the way she unconsciously elicit a response from them. Like the way she was making him feel right now.

All thought fled from his head, except for one. Giving in to that one overwhelming thought, he slowly leaned down and kissed her. Kissed her fervently, earnestly. Kissed her with all the hunger, the need, the desire that was building inside of him during the past three years, during a lifetime. Kissed her until she moaned and opened for him, finally letting his tongue to dance with hers. Kissed her until both of them, giving in to the need to breathe, finally let up for air.   

When their gazes met, they knew, they understood, as if it was the first time they were seeing each other, really seeing each other. They finally realized what Anthony meant and what was that 'change' that was happening between them. They were falling in love. 

And sharing that knowledge, that acknowledgement, they also discovered the answer to Relena's question. Whatever was or whatever would have been would only lead up to this moment, would always lead up to this moment. They would have chosen each other, regardless. The **seed** was already there and time would only make it bloom. 

Heero stood up, pulling her with him. Then in one swift motion, he swept her in his arms. She was startled at first, almost scared but immediately and instinctively wrapped her hands around his neck trustingly as he carried her to the bed. They were married for three years now and it was high time, he thought, that they finally had their wedding night. And if the sounds that followed were any indication, it had been, definitely, worth the wait.   

The first thought she had upon waking up was that she didn't want to open her eyes. She didn't want to discover that that glorious night she had with Heero was only a dream. But she knew she had to open them, there was no escaping it. So she did and found herself staring at his face.

Well, not really his actual face but his face nonetheless. His portrait. She smiled. She had always favored sleeping at her side, at the left-hand side of the bed, facing the left wall where Heero's portrait hung. She knew that Heero preferred the right-hand side of the bed since, he had told her before, it would feel weird to wake up seeing one's own face. Wanting to see the real thing, she turned to her other side. She saw the real thing, alright, but instead of finding him beside her where she thought she would, she saw him standing by the window. He only had his jeans on, his hair as unruly as ever, one hand braced against the wall as he gazed out of the window. She felt her cheeks flush as she marveled at his chiseled face, his well-toned torso, the way his jeans clung to him like second-skin, and she couldn't help but think of what they just did, what they had shared the night before and what they could and would **do** now that they had gotten past that first stage.

She sat up, holding the white, thin cotton blanket up to her chest, covering her naked body. Sensing her movement, he turned his head. The way he regarded her made her pulse race, and it was only partly due to passion. Something was wrong. He usually looked that way --- gazing out the window with that intense expression on his face --- whenever he had finished thinking of something serious and had come to a decision. She wanted to ask him what was the matter but she couldn't find the words nor the courage to do just that.

"This won't work," he said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"What won't work?" she asked, almost afraid of his answer.

"This. Us," he answered, shifting his body to face her. "It won't work."

Her whole world came crashing down on her. And she almost fell down with it.  "Why?" she asked again, her voice strained by the effort not to scream.

"Because… Dammit, Relena, I won't be able to live without you!" he told her in a strangled voice. "A night, two nights, it won't be enough. It'll never be enough. I'll always be thinking of you, wanting you. How do you think I'll be able to get through the day?" He turned his attention back to the window, running his fingers through his hair. "And with our situation, I don't want to force you to…" he trailed off, shaking his head.

Hearing his words, her world was rebuilt in a matter of seconds. To say that she was shocked by his revelation was an understatement. She felt an odd sense of feminine pride and satisfaction that she managed to unnerve this usually unruffled male. The thought made her giddy, and warm, and oh so beautiful. She stood up, wrapping the white sheet around her then walked towards him. "You don't need to force me to do anything. I'm your wife, Heero. I'll follow wherever you go."  

She was standing only a breath away but he still wouldn't turn to look at her. He took a deep breath. "But that's just it. I don't want to force you to make a choice. Between staying here, in your home and being with me."

"Why can't I choose both?"

"Because what I want is for you to always be with me! And because we have two estates to run! How can we choose one estate then stay there? It'll feel wrong. For you, for me, for everyone. Because I'm certain that when faced with the decision, I'll choose to stay in the Yuy Estate. It's mine. I belong there. And it's the same with you. You'll choose to stay here because you belong here. It's yours, the place you called home for 18 years. How can I compete with that? How can we resolve that?"

"Silly, silly boy," she told him softly as she reached out to touch his cheek. This time, he couldn't stop himself from turning to look at her. Her whole world then took on a deep, Prussian blue cast.  "If it's any consolation, you're not the only one who'll be having a hard time lasting a whole day, you know. I won't be able to stand it either. And after all these years, with all these going back and forth between estates, haven't you still figured out the concept of home?"  

His eyes were intense, and a little puzzled. "It's a place where you belong."

She nodded, smiling. "You're right. But it's not always a place. Sometimes it's a person." She paused, taking a deep breath. "And for me it's you. Home is wherever you are, Heero." She saw his eyes widen for a moment, the first time, she realized, that she saw him unguarded, vulnerable. "So don't work yourself over something that can easily be resolved which you just managed to turn big. There, I already gave you a few hints. I think you'll be able to think of an arrangement that will suit us perfectly. Or a variation of a certain arrangement."

She could almost see the wheels turning in his head. She started withdrawing her hand from his face when he suddenly caught it in his. "We can stay in one estate for three weeks then stay at the other for three weeks, then come back again. That way we'll be able to keep an eye on things without neglecting anybody. It'll require constant traveling but we have done that and got quite used to it so it won't be a problem. The important thing is that we'll be together. Everyday." He inclined his head and regarded her. "What do you think?"

She smiled. "It's perfect."

He smiled back and pulled her closer to him. "So, you really mean it? You'll stay with me?" he asked, his voice turning a little gruff as he leaned down towards her.

"I'll stay with you," she answered, her own voice turning husky as she closed her eyes, his lips just millimeters away from her. "Always."   

~THE END~

This is it. I finally managed to finish this ::big sigh:: I really intended this to be just a one shot fic but I had so many things to say that it wouldn't fit in one chapter. So if ever I gave you any cliffhangers or if it was taking me along time to update, and for all the other nuisances, I'm sorry. And to all of you who enjoyed this fic and patiently waited for my updates, thank you. I'm a confessed Heero and Relena fanatic --- I see them in anything and everything around me. Sounds disturbing e? But if it wasn't for that fact, I wouldn't be able to write any fics. Thank God for small blessings.

I know, I know. I should have included a lemon and this fic should have been titled 'The time I'm drinking with you' since they had a lot of scenes where they were drinking. I did this intentionally because one, I kinda rusty with lemons and I don't think a lemon would be appropriate in the atmosphere I already created, and two, the 'drinking' was part of their tradition, custom and their world was ruled by traditions and customs. 

Finally, I want everyone to know that I have only three reasons for giving out cliffhangers and it doesn't include being mean. One, it's the way I planned to group the events in a particular scene or chapter, the way it'll correlate with the other chapters, thus making a whole. Two, it's taking me too long to finish a chapter and I decided to post the part that can stand alone. And three, the chapter is getting way too long than I originally intended so I have to cut it. Personally, I prefer one-shots to multi-series fics because I want to see what happens at the end right then and there. But I also learned to accept that there are stories that are just too complex to contain in one chapter. 

Okay, that's about it. One down, three more to go (two unfinished GW fics and one Esca) and another one that my demented head is beginning to brew up (GW/Black Jewels Trilogy crossover). Oh, and if I get inspired, maybe the missing lemon scene for this fic. Well, let's just see. Thank you for reading. Til next time!


End file.
